By Lucille U. Freeman
When I heard Anthony Brown and Group Therapy's song Worth, I was sitting at my 57 year-old sister's funeral, who had lost her battle to breast cancer. The grief inside me turned into muffled sobs, as I listened to the music and the words settled into my heart.
"You thought I was worth saving...So, you came and changed my life...You thought I was worth keeping, So you cleaned me up inside..."
Saying good bye to Pauline was difficult. The scriptures that said, Yea though I walked through the valley of the shadows of death, I will fear no evil, Psalm 23, took on a new meaning. I had walked through the shadow of death, though not my own. Trips to the doctors only to received another bad report, chemo therapy, blood transfusions, talks about heaven which I often met with an admonishment of "No," let’s talk about healing. Watching her move in pain, or refuse to eat or move at all, taking one pill after another as part of her daily ritual, was not only her battle but mine as well.
As I greeted strangers, friends and neighbors, I wondered and still do wonder, when the cloud of grief will lift. I think Pauline knew I would take it hard, we had both operated in the realm of emotions, and therefore would often engage in those sisterly arguments. But at the end, the abundant exchanges of "I love you's," "Let me tell you about my dreams" "Are you outside my house"; all seem to add up to a loving, peaceful goodbye.
There is something to be said about people you love making you the angriest. There’s also something to be said about the bond of sisterly love, sharing and forgiving.
As I dressed for her home-going services, the urge to call Pauline came again and again. Who
would tell me my hair looked nice or I had chosen the perfect dress?