The sun beamed across the thick green grass on this perfect summer day as my son-in-law and daughter walked their four children through the zoo. Mikayla was a toddler in a stroller. A goose came up to her and just stared at her, and she stared back at the goose. In her toddler mind, she felt she was in danger. An early talker, she looked at her parents and said, “That goose wants to eat me.” Well, you can imagine why she would feel that way, strapped into a stroller, and at the mercy of those pushing her through the zoo.
At that moment, she hadn’t considered the fact that she had two older sisters, an older brother, and both parents who would have fought the goose to the point of even making goose soup had the goose attacked the child, who was the baby in the family. Her dad spoke up and assured her, “That goose doesn’t want to eat you,” although the animal was studying her.
Mikayla was quiet for a few seconds while re-processing the situation, then she spoke up again. “If the goose doesn’t want to eat me, then he wants to taste me.” That answer brought smiles to her family members’ faces.
Whether children’s fears are real or imagined, it’s important that parents keep an open door of communication with their children. Whether they’re feeling unsafe, insecure, or in danger, they are able to communicate their anxiety to their parents.
Listening to the questions and statements of children can give clues as to how they are processing the world and their concerns. When we know how children feel or what they’re envisioning, it gives us as caregivers opportunities to provide wisdom, to redirect them, or to help them come up with more logical or more powerful conclusions. Not only does it create a strong bond between the caregiver and child when we listen to their thoughts, but the door opens for us to share our perspectives or insights from a more mature and experienced perspective.
As an educator, parent, and grandparent, I’ve heard tales about get-togethers ending up being drink-togethers and teens needing rides home; children threatening to harm themselves and interventions needed; young people caught in webs of grief or burdened by family struggles.
Helping children address their fears and faulty thinking and steering them through challenging moments is often spearheaded by merely listening as they share their thoughts.
Statements such as, “What if they don’t like me?” can be counteracted by the perspective of, “Then they’re missing out. You have a great personality. You’re kind and have a great sense of humor.”
“What if I’m not able to learn the math? What if I am dumb or stupid?”
“You definitely are not dumb or stupid. Never use those terms as related to you. You’re one of the smartest children I know. And besides, you’re my child, and the fruit doesn’t fall too far from the tree. You have my smart genes. If we need to, we’ll hire you a math tutor.”
By listening, you can become a safe place for your child to vent. Not only do you become a safe place and breadcrumbs to guide them through dark forests, but you help them avoid some of life’s pitfalls, fears, and faulty thinking. Listening to children helps build their foundation of self-worth as they realize that they’re worth listening to. They don’t have to navigate around geese on the road alone.
Are you willing to listen as children share their fears and perspectives with you?
Lucille is the author of several children’s books, including Silly Caterpillar.
